I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

“The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul”, Douglas Adams



One of my favourite snapshots from 2015

So, it’s been a year since I last published a blog post. I haven’t felt much like putting stuff down, so I’ll just try to make one very compact post about what this year has been like, although in all likelihood this blog has no readers left 😀

I met several awesome new people this year, some more intimately than others. Quite a few of them have left the country by now but I’m getting used to that. I’ve become very picky when it comes to getting to know someone new and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Quality over quantity – amirite or amirite?

Some blasts from the past happened as well. There is someone I am trying really hard to steer clear of and hope like hell I will manage that next year as well. There is someone who has been trying hard to get another chance of being a part of my life – we’ll see how that goes, I’m being rather careful there. There is someone who I haven’t talked to in many years (mainly due to the first person mentioned in this paragraph) but we have now officially made peace with each other, so that is nice.

I lost a close friend this year, for good. In a way he is not completely gone, as he will always be a part of me but it’s still hard. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about something and that he’d love it… and then it hits me that he is not with us any more. I am grateful for having known him and I cherish the memories of laughing so hard together that we cried 🙂


I made this oil painting during one of those awesome times 🙂 It was the first time I ever used oil paints, so I’d say I did pretty well.

2015 also marks the year when I finally went to see a psychiatrist and got antidepressants. I must say that they are working – I’m feeling a lot better, even though it means I need to keep away from booze. Drinking apple juice or cola at a bar just isn’t quite the same but I still do that occasionally. The main effect of the meds is that in situations where I’d have lost my shit earlier, I now just sigh and try to explain my point of view in a calm but firm manner. It’s like I’ve finally found a point of balance within me that has been lost for many many years.

Due to various reasons I have gained far more weight this year than I am comfortable with. I guess one of the tasks for next year is trying to tackle it but I’m not sure if I’ll go back to calorie counting. We shall see. At least my dance skills have improved – not as much as I would like but I’m definitely better than I was last year.

Work has been OK although I hope I will be able to change my position (but stay in the same department) next year. I feel like my best assets are not used in my current job and I would be more useful doing something else.



Oh, and I bought a brand new car in July! 🙂 It’s not very big but it’s red and cute and I am very fond of it. Come to think of it, 2015 was a year for new vehicles, as I also bought a new bicycle.


Her Royal Highness

Speaking of vacations – I went to Ireland and Italy this year – loved the first trip and hated the latter because 7000 km trapped in a bus with a chipper tour guide who never shuts up is not exactly my cup of tea. It was the absolute worst vacation I have ever had! I still haven’t uploaded the photos of either trip but I should probably deal with that very soon because in January I’ll spend a week in Barcelona and in April I’m going to Tokyo and I know I’d be really sad if something happened to my hard drive and I lost all pics from Ireland AGAIN.

I’m not making any promises about getting back to blogging in 2016 but I’m secretly hoping that I might…


New horizons ahoy!

Let the past hold on to itself and let the present move forward into the future.

“Mostly Harmless”, Douglas Adams


Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day 🙂 On Friday I waved good-bye to my old job and had a few drinks with the cool kids in the evening, despite being in ailing health (hardcore sneezing and coughing) but hey, mama needed booze!

I’m getting better already and can’t wait to start with the new job, which is going to look a little something like this:

no idea

I got a brand new work laptop with ridiculous battery life (Lenovo ThinkPad T440s) and could also get a work phone if I wanted to. Am still not sure whether or not to apply for it… on the one hand – free awesome new gadget 😀 On the other hand there’s the obligation to pick it up at all hours, although the possibility that I will actually be needed outside office hours is quite small. Man, I can’t help but get excited when it comes to getting my greedy little fingers on new techy stuff :3

On Friday I’ll be taking part in the team event with the new guys. It’s going to be me and 18 dudes in a spa 😀 There’s two more persons of the female persuasion in the department besides me but they won’t be attending. Oh well, seeing as all the rooms that have been booked are twin rooms, it probably means I’ll get one all by myself 🙂 I was kind of hoping we’d be going to shoot stuff but I guess a spa with bowling tracks will have to do… 😛 I hope we’ll have enough sober time there so I can go and hang around in the pools, would not mind splashing around in warm water in the slightest.

The second half of next week is going to be quite hardcore, actually. My liver is weeping already in the certain knowledge that it will have a tough job to get through. On Thursday we’ll go out and celebrate Miss R.’s birthday with just a couple of closest friends, Friday is the team event day and when we get back on Saturday some time in the afternoon, I’ll have a few hours to make myself look pretty and then go to UG to celebrate the double birthday party of Arcanar & Miss R.

And then Sunday morning will arrive, as heavy as original sin, when I have to be at my volunteer organisation’s compulsory yearly meeting at 11AM and read out the audit which I still haven’t got because some people think it better to just disappear instead of letting me know they have trouble getting their part done in time. *le sigh*

Ah well, busy times ahead 🙂 We like busy times.

Oh, look out you rock’n’rollers

I still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste
was not so sweet

“Changes”, David Bowie


Ch-ch-ch-changes indeed, in personal life and at work, too.

I’m hoping that 2014 will be better for me than 2013 has been. There were some really cool moments and times when I was really happy but the second half of the year was filled with continuous anxiety and heartbreak. I really don’t need any more of that shit in my life, thankyouverymuch. Funny how people manage to convince themselves that things aren’t that bad, really, and by ‘people’ I mean ‘me’. I’ve always preferred horrible endings to never-ending horror but somehow I could not put two and two together this time. I just dearly wish it all had ended in August for real, as it should have, instead of swinging on the proverbial fence for months to come. Anyway, this chapter has been finished, new and exciting ones are about to begin.

I think all my Inner Circle people noticed how the uncertainty of my situation throughout this autumn affected my well-being and they were totally there for me with the safety net when the inevitable fall took place. I could not ask for better friends even if I strained my imagination really hard. For these people I am deeply grateful to the Unnamed Spirit of the Universe and in return I will go through flaming brick walls for them, if necessary.

As for changes at work – weeeeell… I will move to a completely different position in February (same company, different floor). My future boss is extremely happy to have me there, he even told me that if they had had a vision of the ideal candidate, it would have been me. Awww yiss 🙂 I will have normal working hours – that means no more waking up at the ass-crack of dawn to make it to the morning shift, no more worrying whether or not I have the weekend off!

The funny bit is that I still have no idea what it exactly is that I’ll be doing 😛 The tasks are going to be rather versatile, which means there will be very little day-to-day dullness and that is very important for me. I definitely need to read up on VMware and remember all that Linuxstuffz I’ve forgotten by now. Perhaps the most intriguing bit about this change of positions is that at my current job we have procedures and guidelines for mostly everything but my boss-to-be said that there are no such things where I’m going and that he is very much looking forward to my suggestions for improvement etc., which – unless I completely misunderstood him – basically translates to “we’d like you to help us create procedures and put them down in written form”. I think that is awesome.

So, less than 2 weeks until the new year. It better be better or I’ll make it regret the day I was born!

The Part played by Labour in the Transition from Ape to Man

“This planet has – or rather had – a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.”

Douglas Adams, “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”


I’ve been quiet on the blog front as I have had new challenges at work – I am almost done training my new teammates. My boss gave me free rein regarding how I do it – on the one hand it is nice to be able to organise things as I see fit, on the other… sometimes it has felt like reinventing the wheel.

We have a rather steady flow of new people among us, as we are held in high regard in other departments due to our thorough knowledge concerning how the whole enormous system fits together. This means that the more experienced ones are often offered a position in another department which they tend to accept because the novelty of working in shifts wears down after a while and it is nice to actually have a sleeping schedule. Anyway, I digress.

I have been training new people since the beginning of October and while I like teaching and have been doing extremely well (especially as it is my first time), it has been significantly more tiring than I originally anticipated. The most difficult obstacle to conquer has been the fact that I am a hard-coded introvert. Talking to people all day long leaves me drained and exhausted. The only cure is enough alone-time to be able to tackle the next day and if I don’t get that, I become very grumpy and yet I must not vent my spleen at work. Finding a balance here has been a challenge indeed.

Yesterday was extra stressful, as I had to make a difficult choice – I was offered a very expensive training course (on the company’s expenses, naturally) that might come in handy in the future but the catch was that I would have had to give up 2 out of 8 days with my Gentleman, whom I last saw in July. Had I known earlier that the training course would be held during the weekend, plane tickets might have been rearranged but I had only been told not to begin my vacation that week and pick the next one instead.

So I chose to be with the Gentleman and I already know beforehand that he will scold me for this when I tell him I decided in his favour instead of a certificate. It was not at all easy to decide and I am not 100% certain that I made the right choice but it seems to me that even if I had chosen differently, I would have doubts just the same. That is just the way it is with decisions that will affect your life in a very direct manner, however you try to look at them. The only way to know whether you chose the right thing is to wait and see if it all works out and that really sucks.

Money is not my god and I have deliberately tried to refrain from letting it guide my decisions, if possible. Then again, I am very dedicated to my work, perhaps even to the point of being a workaholic… if I do not choose my significant other over a piece of paper, then what am I?